Stepkids: The Challenge

Have you ever noticed your stepkids respond to you differently in contrast to how they treat their parent?

It is understandable really.  After all no one bother to ask them if they wanted to become a stepchild.  And even if they were asked, they did not have the authority to nix the re-partnering plans. 


Kids being kids often challenge their stepparent.  But why?

Some of the negative reaction expressed towards you the stepparent is due to resentment around having another adult telling them what to do. 

Unresolved grief and loss issues, stemming from their parent's separation and divorce often trigger strong reactions. And you are a handy target. 

Some of the comments may also be due to confusion.  The stepkids may be unclear what the house rules are and what authority the stepparent has for enforcing them.

Of course sometimes  it is just plain orneriness! 

          What ever the reason, I bet 99.9% of stepparents will hear these types of comments. 


         Are you prepared?   Do you have answers?  Have you discussed this with your partner? 

Dianne Martin:  Mom, Stepmom and Grandma

October 3, 2015

Posted by: administrator ON Sat, October 3, 2015 at 1:29:33 pm MDT


We know that living in the stepfamily is a very complicated situation.  And it is highly confusing and discombobulating for our kids as well.



I was reading another article or blog where the author referred to blended families .  Well  most of you know my thoughts about using the term blended instead of step.



Blended suggest that the process is easy and that everyone will just fit together without any lumps bumps or unsightly clumps that occur.



Well we all know that ain't going to true! 



Stepfamilies are all about colliding desires and conflicting needs -  which leave bumps, bruises, and wounded hearts.




So for example a four-year-old  is moving into a stepfamily. She will have a stepmother or stepfather she will have a stepbrother, or stepsister and they will be called stepsiblings.




She did not have a blended mother or a blended father she does not have a blended sister or blended brother.  So why or why is her family called a blended family???? Why is this--or any other-- child  entering a stepfamly be confused by our self inflicted identify crisis?




Wouldn't be ever so much easier for children if we used consistency in our terms?



Yes , unfortunatgely there are a host of negative stereotypical ideas about stepfamilies.



A sense of stigma attached to the term stepmom... we have our fairy tails and folklore to blame for the stigmatization of stepfamilies.  So best stop kids from hearing or reading fairy tales.


But it's time we stood up to be counted, to be proud of who we are and to put aside our identity conflicts and proudly proclaimed that we are


Stepparents, stepmom, stepdad, stepbrothers stepsisters,

step-grandparents and step-aunties and step-uncles.


Take care my Friends

Dianne Martin - Stepmom and Advocate

March 13, 2016

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